Such a busy week!!

This week has been a little crazy, and continues to be so.  I didn't juice this morning due to a really early Dr's appt.  But I will definitely be juicing tomorrow morning.  Just like all the other mornings this week.  This week, I need the balance more than usual.  Tuesday night, it was trivia night.  We always eat there and drink beer.  :) always so much fun!  Then today, on top of my appt, I worked open to close at work.  A nice 11 hour shift.  Tomorrow night is the wine dinner at Mor Mor.  Can't wait!  And Friday night is my boyfriend's Command Christmas Party for work, and immediately after is another party, this time with close friends.  The only thing I am not looking forward to is the Command Christmas Party.  In fact, I am a little nervous.  It's semi-formal, and around people that I either haven't met, or just met briefly.  I'm nervous about not looking good enough, I'm nervous about fitting in, etc, etc etc.  I will just have to let you know how it goes.  And I've said all of this just to let you know that because of these reasons, I probably will not have another post for this blog until Saturday or Sunday.  And don't be too surprised if I have gained a little back after all this good food!!

Insecurities

I have realized a lot about myself recently that I am not happy with.  The question is....how do I change it?

I never really think of myself as an insecure person.  But recently, I have realized how untrue that statement is.  Looking back, I can pin point what caused it, but what I can't pin point is how to get rid of it.  Does it just take time?  Funny thing is, I had this epiphany and discovered that my insecurities have nothing to do with my weight!  WHAT you say?...  I know!   How could my insecurity not be about my weight.  No, I realized that all my insecurities are about my insides, and have nothing to do with my outsides.  OK, I can't really pinpoint when it started, I can pinpoint where it was extremely exacerbated.  It started a LONG time ago with my history of being rejected.  Starting with my mom when she was with her long term boyfriend.  (Sorry mom, not judging or condemning, it's just fact.) Then with my grandparents, who seemed to kick me to the curb for my child.  And with my child, who seemed to want my grandparents more than he wanted me.  The point where it was exacerbated was during my marriage.  It took rejection to a whole new level.  Not being touched or loved for 7 years, makes your mind do very strange things.  And you are always wondering...What is wrong with me?
The reason all of this is coming out is because in my current relationship (which is still going wonderful by the way)  We are getting to that stage where things are more comfortable, and we're not spending every waking moment with each other.  And I can predict the days where I think he is going to stay home instead of spending the night.  It's usually because he's had a bad day at work, or just because he got home from somewhere really late, and just wants to go home.  I can know these things ahead of time, but still feel completely rejected when they happen.  I can know all the reasons he has for wanting to stay home,  or know that he's had a really bad week at work and that he kind of closes down when that happens, and rationally know that they have nothing to do with me, but still I feel melancholy, and the little voice in the back of my head is saying...ok, what did you do to make him not text you, what did you do to make him not want to come over.  Is he tired of my child acting up?  Do I bother him too much with how much I have to get up at night, and does he now need a night free of me?  Is he tired of..........  Is he starting to realize..........
Am I that afraid I'm going to lose him?  Or am I trying to guess at rejection that is non-existent, so I don't get so hurt when it finally happens?  I guess it's hard for me to believe, that a normal, wonderful guy wants to stay with me.  I feel like any day now, he is going to wake up and realize he wants nothing to do with me.  Something my friend Jessie said is sticking in my head. At girls night, I had told her that he had invited me to Indonesia, when he goes diving out there in Feb or Mar.  I was letting my friends know, because I would probably need help with babysitters.  I also told her that I was preparing as if I was going, but I'd give him a way out, just in case he didn't realize how expensive it would be to take me along.  After all, he did ask me at a wine dinner.  And Jessie got very serious and looked at me, and said in a very strong voice, that I was selling myself short.  That she is sure if he invited me that he meant it, because I am worth it. 
I want to be worth it, but the problem is that deep down, I don't feel worth it.

        Question is how do I change this?  I don't want to be this way.  My rational mind is telling me that I have nothing to be insecure about.  And I need to stop awaiting doomsday.  How do I get this feeling to go away?  It would be nice just to have the normal insecurities with my body, I am used to those.  I know how to deal with those. ;)

Juicing!

I'm a little frustrated because I already wrote a post a few weeks ago on my cell phone with a blogspot ap, and it said it published it.  Now to find that my post didn't post is a little of a disappointment.  It was witty and funny which doesn't often happen, and I'm going to try to be witty and funny again, but don't hate if I fail. LOL. 
Anyway....JUICING!  It's the happening thing with all my friends right now.  I think I decided to jump on the band wagon...I'm guessing...about a month and a half ago now.  I juice in the mornings as a replacement for breakfast.  I have changed nothing else.  Here is an example of the things that I usually juice in the morning; kale, spinach, parsley, celery, carrot, ginger, apple, orange, lemon, blueberries, and beets.  But I have to tell you, if you juice beets, you don't need to put much in for that to be ALL you taste.  I only put in a 1/4 of one now, and it still almost over powers everything else.  Amazingly enough, it usually tastes great!   The first week I lost 5 lbs.  And I have slowed down since then, and have lost only a total of 7 now.  The real great thing is that my pants are a lot looser around my waist and my thighs!  If you don't want to go on a diet, and want to start with just being healthy, I totally recommend juicing.  I only replaced breakfast, and I'm technically drinking a lot more calories than I used to eat at breakfast time, and I'm losing weight.  Otherwise, I eat the same.  I still go out at night and drink my beer and wine, and enjoy really good food.  I eat cookies and sweets here and there.  I am not omitting anything!  And I'm still losing weight!  It is amazing!  I will keep you updated on the weight loss, I am down to 193 now.  I would love to be down to 180 by the Sub Ball in April, but I won't hold my breath on that.  Till next time....Try juicing!

Completely off subject

I thought I'd share the excitement of my day with you.  I had a lovely day at work today..beginning to end.  Well, I started work really early today.  I had to pick up deposits from Kingston and Poulsbo before going to work for the day in Bainbridge.  I finally make it to Bainbridge, and finish up making all the deposit slips and decide that I should go to the bathroom before I go to the bank.  So I go into the bathroom, do my thing, try to leave, and discover that the door won't open!!!  The handle is broken!  I try searching my pockets for anything of use, but besides the chapstick in my pocket, the only other thing I brought into the bathroom with my was my sweatshirt, which seems to be completely useless.  I am the only one in the store, and the door is locked, and I'm supposed to be the only one in the store for hours... this is not looking good.  So I look around the bathroom for something I can use to help me.  I see a nail stuck in the wall, and think I might be able to use it to pry the bolt to release.  Unfortunately the nail is stuck tight, and I'm killing my fingers trying to get it out.  So I tear a piece of cardboard off the seat cover holder, and cover the end of the nail to make it easier on my fingers to pull out.  Finally I get it out, and try to use it on the door, but I'm not having any luck.  So I pried out a really long screw near the floor,  and that too, is no luck, it's too fat to fit between the door and the frame.  So then I take a baby wipe container, and use the nail to score lines in the plastic so I can punch out a credit card size piece of plastic to try to throw the bolt.  Again, it doesn't work, the bolt just goes too far into the wall past the strike plate.  So I keep looking around for any ideas.  I finally settle on the door hinges.  I try to take the pins out of the hinges, but they are stuck tight.  I look around the bathroom for anything to use again and I see nothing.  My sight finally settles on the toilet.  I open up the back of the toilet, and take apart the long metal piece that attached to the flusher handle.  And I use that to pry off the hinges on the door.  It works!!  Unfortunately, I am unsuccessful at pulling the door, and after about an hour of trying to pry the door to fall off the hinges, I break the toilet piece, and now am seriously out of luck.  It need to be pushed or kicked from the outside to take it off the hinges.  So I sit down and wait.  If only I had just taken my cell phone into the bathroom!!  And after 3 hours, my boss finally realized something is wrong, because another employee was trying to get into the store, and couldn't and the door should have been unlocked for her already.  The store should have been opened way over an hour before!  Because of an incident the day before that I had no idea about, my boss thought, Oh No!!  The bathroom!!  So when she finally got there, I told her I had already taken the hinges off and all she had to do was kick it in!  Which she did and I finally was released!  Which caused a whole bunch more work for me today.  I spent a couple hours between buying the parts, and putting on a new door handle that I bought, and putting on the new plumbing stuff for the toilet that I bought.  I am happy to say though, that the toilet and the door are both fixed.  And by the time that I got off, I was really ready to go home!!  I hope you enjoyed my tale of woe!

Happiness...

It is amazing how much happiness can affect the body.  I am already down to 193.  I'm not even doing anything extra special.  I just have a new man in my life who makes me deliriously happy.  Which is in turn making me shrink.  I am definitely ok with that!  My older son has already returned to CA, and my younger one leaves on Saturday, I am sad and happy to be able to have a month to myself.  This week I am planning on going to Archery which I haven't gone in almost a year, and I am hoping to do Zumba, if I am feeling well enough on Thursday.  We'll see I should be well into cramp time by then.  And HE is taking Nico and I to a Mariner's game on Friday night.  Should be lots of fun!  I hope the weather holds out.  Well it's a short post today because I have to go to work, but I figured that no post is better than none!  Right Aimee?  Love you!  Thanks for reading!

Too Distracted!!

I have a billion things going on this week.  So much to do.  My birthday is tomorrow,  and I have birthday dinner tonight with Papa and my other mom.  Dinner out tomorrow night with friends and a new beau. :) Saturday, I have family up from California.  And Sunday, I am going to a BBQ, and then to fireworks on the boat with the fam and the new beau!  And then Monday it's JB's annual 4th of July BBQ!  Not to mention on top of that my son Michael is here, and will be here till the 7th.  Weight wise, I keep fluctuating back from 196 to 198.  Ugh!  I got to do Zumba on Tuesday with the lovely JB.  Last night, we went for dinner at Sheila's, where my dad cooked dinner for us. (He now works part time there!)  And then I took the boys for a walk!  Slowly, slowly, I am getting my Michael adjusted to a little exercise.  I swear at my size I am more in shape than he is!!  So I will report back soon, and hopefully then I will be able to tell you I'm staying down at 196....or lower...hehe!

The little things!!

It's amazing how the smallest things can make you happy!  I got on the scale this morning and it said 106.5!! I know I wanted to be 196 by my birthday, and I have almost a week left, and only a half pound to go!!  This week I went to Zumba once, and went for a walk maybe two or three times.  Nothing huge though.  I have had a salad every day for lunch, but pretty average dinners.  For some reason, my body is deciding to lose weight like a normal person, and I'm pretty ok with that!  Maybe it's the vitamin D kicking in, or the progesterone cream finally evening out my hormones.  But whatever it is, I won't look a gift horse in the mouth.  I haven't been keeping up with this as much as I should, but with my older son here, it's been hard to get time just for me, I want to spend as much waking time with him as possible.  And with my schedule as full as it is, I'm feeling quite guilty already.  Tomorrow night I'm going to Seattle to see JB's band Blind Floyd play!  Just looking for a ride over, I don't like going to Seattle by myself at night.  So TTFN!  Have a wonderful Saturday night!

It has been a while

I know I haven't written in a little bit.  But I got a pretty bad head cold a week ago, and wasn't exercizing because of it.  And for sure a salad for lunch does not sound as good at work when I'm feeling like shit!  So most of the time I ate Top Ramen for lunch, and whatever for dinner.  Surprising thing is...I weigh 200 lbs still, and have for the past 5 days straight.  So hopefully we won't fluctuate up anymore, and will continue to go down.  My son Michael is visiting, and I would like to keep to a healthy routine with him here, because he could definitely use it!  It is so quiet in the house tonight without Nico here for the weekend.  He usually goes for walks with me.  I tried to talk Michael into going for a walk, but his tummy wasn't feeling the best, which is actually pretty normal for him.  So I ended up going for a walk down to dock by myself.  It is such a beautiful night.  Slightly overcast, but still pretty warm.  I stood at the end of the dock, just soaking up the view.  It was so cool, little fish were flipping up out of the water.  They got at least an inch above the water before going back down.  It is not a sight that I often see.  It was the perfect night down there.  It makes me want to do that walk again and again.  I didn't walk as long as I usually do.  I am pretty sure my cold turned into a sinus infection, that I will try to get rid of the natural way, before going to the Dr. to try and get antibiotics.  I would like to get down to 196 before my birthday, but with a little over 10 days to go, I'm not sure how successful I will be.  But since I don't feel really horrible anymore, I am going to try to keep up with my exercizing this week.  I told Michael I would take him for Sushi one of the nights this week!!  Can't wait! 

Let's get dancin!

I can't believe that I actually got to go to Zumba today!  It seems to work with my schedule so rarely these days.  Luckily, even though it's that time of the month for me, my real bad days haven't come yet.  The light day allowed me to go, and I rocked it!  Well...maybe not rocked it, but I completed it well.   Last time, I think it was 3 weeks ago, I got through three quarters of it, and it was like my body just hit a wall. I could no longer lift my feet, and I was sooo tired.  This time, even though each song was pretty high intesity, I finished, with energy to go.  Even though I was beat, and beet red, and sweating like crazy, I had done well.  I did really well with food today too.  A piece of toast and half a papaya for breakfast.  Salad for lunch, and for dinner, I had a little plate with grapes, raspberries, some beef stick, and a few cheese slices.  And a little while later I had a small bowl of pasta.  Weighed myself tonigh just for the heck of it, and I was 202 fully clothed, so not bad.  My bloated bad days aren't here yet, and I'm kinda dreading them, but for now, it's all good!  I'm off to sleep now.  Can't wait to go and see one of my favorite bands play tomorrow night at the local pub.  The Bub Pratt Trio!  If anything will be a set back, it's going to be the drinks I will have tomorrow night!  But those are usually worth it! ;)  Goodnight!

The scale

I have to be honest.  I haven't checked the scales in days.  I am beginning to dread the thing.  The day after the marathon, I weighed myself and I was 202.  :(  Up again.  I seem to go up when I'm doing the most to lose it.  So now I am crampy and bloated and going to avoid the scale, and will probably avoid it for the next 7 days or so.  If I am feeling ok tomorrow night I will be going to Zumba!!!!  Can't wait!  I LOVE Zumba! 
It is the one exercise that I truly enjoy.  And would do every day if I could.  I didn't exercise tonight, because I spent my whole evening after work at Costco!  Spent way too much as usual, and they didn't have a Cal/Mag supplement that I was looking for.  They had Calcium and they had Magnesium, but not together...bummer.  Will have to order it online with Nico's probiotics, and our vitamin C.  Did you know that Vitamin C doesn't work as well if it doesn't contain bioflavinoids?  All Vit C are not equal!  Check the back before you buy a cheap bottle!  If you haven't tried it, I recommend going and taking a look.  http://www.swansonvitamins.com/  They have great prices for all your supplements.  I have Nico on Kids Probiotic Pearls, and they cured his frequent tummy aches!  The adult probiotics has already helped my other son with his IBS, and he just started it not that long ago!  Anyway, we'll see how this week goes, and how much I do.  I see 6 more days of cramps in my future.  blah!

Kids Marathon

Yesterday was a beautiful warm day!  So much deserved after our cold winter!  My Bestie JB and I drove up with the kids to Port Angeles for the kids to take part in the kids marathon that they had signed up for.  Couldn't have asked for a better day, or better surrounding.  The marathon to place on a park course right next to the water.  We were running a little late on the drive up, which if you know me, then you know I was panicking the whole time deep inside.  We got there 15 minutes before the race was supposed to start, and I still had to get in line to get the kid's shirts and numbers to wear on the front of them.  Luckily we weren't the only ones still in line, and they actually delayed the race until everyone was through.  It was definitely a little chaotic with everyone standing at the starting line.  And the big kids were told to go to the front of the line, I sent Nico and CB forward, and could no longer see them through the crowd.  JB and I decided to walk the marathon, and set out a few minutes after start.  Three quarters of the way back, JB says she thinks its time to run, and that she knows I can make it.  As I mentioned before in earlier posts, I do not run.  But she is so convincing!  So I started running.  I remember saying...."I don't think I can make it that far...maybe just to that stroller ahead!"  And she said, "No, you can make it".  And so I did.  My lungs were burning, and it felt like I could only get shallow breaths instead of deep ones.  And my thighs were burning.  But I made it to the finish line!  Of course the kids made it a long time before.  And I remember watching how effortlessly, my friend JB was jogging while pushing the stroller next to me.  But it all was worth it, and I had a good time.  And I was terribly proud of my little man for running his 1st kids marathon.  Hopefully this is the start of something good, and there will be many more to come.  We got home last night, and the neighbors were already out sitting on the lawn eating bbq.  So that's how I ended the night!  Up till 1am sitting in the neighbors front yard in front of the fire.  Not a bad life! :)

Yay! A good day!

If I could have a model day, this would be it!!  This morning for breakfast I had a piece of toast with peanut butter and banana.  It was a day full of inventory, ordering and training, so it was a decently busy day at work.  The weather was a little sad today, so luckily we weren't slammed, or I would have had a hard time getting everything done.  We had a mix of beautiful, gloom, and just in-between today.  At one moment, it was beautiful and the sun was out.  The next moment, we had black clouds and lots of rain.  And shortly after that, we had almost clear looking beautiful skies, and rain anyway.  The PNW is so bi-polar.  So after work, my son an I went to walk (me) and run/jog (Nico).  We were aiming for 2 miles.  I estimated that we would have to go around the track 5 times for a mile.  I did 8 laps, and Nico did 10!!  When I got home, I decided I would see if I could find how many miles the track was where we were walking....and guess what??  The track was .33 miles!  That means I walked 2.6 miles, and Nico did 3.3!  I felt so good about it, that I decided we were going to go to this place 2 to 3 times a week from now on!  Had a subway sandwich for dinner, and I am now just sitting here thinking of how proud I am of myself for making me get up and move tonight.  I am a little nervous about getting on the scale tomorrow.  For some reason, the better I do, the higher the scale goes, so I will have to let you know tomorrow what it says!  Have a good night!

Pirates!!

Well, it's been a pretty busy week for me, and I seem to be working more than not on the weekends.  Every night for the past week we have missed the 6:30 showing of Pirates of the Caribbean.  So I decided that last night I was going to take my son, who hasn't been seeing much of me, to the 9:30 Showing of Pirates!!  We got home a little late, so I let him sleep in a bit, and am taking him to school 45 min late.  It was a great movie by the way!  Nico and I shared a medium popcorn instead of a large.  And did you know a medium popcorn is $7!!! Talk about highway robbery.  As if the movie itself isn't expensive enough!  We snuck in drinks though, and had a free ticket to the movie.  So all in all, we only paid $14.  But think about how much profit they make on popcorn!  Wow!!  I still haven't had any ice cream, and this morning my morning weight was still 200.5!  I know I've been pretty bad as far as exercise this week, but I will make sure to get some in tonight, even if it's a DVD.  Have a great day!!

Not enough time off in the week

I know... it's been a few days since I have wrote.  Monday, the holiday, I didn't stay on track at all.  I went to work, and immediately got off and went to a bbq at JB's house.  It always feels wonderful to hang out with friends and relax.  I had a small piece of birthday cake, and a smores at the end of the night.  But I've been back on track since.  And last night I did upper and lower crunches, some jumping jacks, and a few planks.  I can only hold a plank for 40 sec, but I will be working towards much more!  I still haven't had ice cream in over a week, and when you are around it all day, every day, that is phenomenol!  Today, I really need to find time to fit in some cardio, but I can already tell, I'm going to have to force myself.  I am already exhausted, and it's only 10:45 am.  I just don't have enough days off any more to recoup.  And my one day off is usually filled with kids bday parties, cleaning, and get togethers.  My next day off I am just going to do absolutely nothing!!!  Scratch that!....My next day off I'm driving two hours to take my son to his marathon.  So maybe the day off after that!  Off to work now, talk to you soon!

Finally a day off work!

My morning weight this morning was 201. Only a half pound more, but I hate the scale when it goes up and not down. Although, I did feel more swollen this morning than usual, and it could be that. I had a piece of toast with peanut butter and bananas again. The perfect breakfast for the non breakfast eater! Finally got out of bed and went in to town. Went for a walk with my other mom and Nico down at the harbor. Had Lunner (lunch/dinner) on the boat. My Dad's homemade pizza!! So Yummy!! And ended the night with a couple of beers over at neighbor CC's house. All in all, not exactly the healthy day I had planned. But it being my only day off after 14 days, it was kind of nice not to have to police myself too much. Sorry so short a post for today, but it's after midnight, and I must go to work tomorrow! So everyone that has the day off for Memorial day, have a beer for me while remembering the veterans that have done so much for us!

Busy Saturday

Got home from the birthday party today, and the weather was so gorgeous and inviting! Nico and I went for a walk and just soaked up the sun. But too early for me, it ended, and off to work I went. Busy night of me in perpetual motion until closing and finally leaving work at almost 11pm. Looking forward to my day off tomorrow so much! Got all my goals in today, so it was a good day! Tomorrow is housecleaning and hopefully a neighborhood BBQ. I'm definitely in need of some down time with friends. Today was my 13th day of work in a row, and I'm a little worn out.

This morning my weight was the same as yesterday 200.5. I hope tomorrow it's down again, but somehow I doubt it. As long as it doesn't go up again I'll be happy. My goal for tomorrow, is just to do my stretching and another walk. I really am craving Zumba, but will have to do the Richard Simmons DVD soon to tide me over until the next Zumba class. Good night everyone! It's time for me to read and go to bed.

Ok, where's my get up and go?

Oh! I did not want to get up this morning! It was my first chance to sleep in in 2 weeks. So I took benadryl last night to help me get a deeper sleep. Still woke up often, but was able to go back to sleep faster and better. Unfortunately, with interstitial cystitis, sleeping is something I will never take for granted. My bladder usually has me up every hour. And truly, it is probably a lot of the reason I don't lose weight easily. There is so much research out there that says if you want to lose weight, that you need to get more sleep. I haven't slept through the night in more than 8 years!

To start out the day when I finally got up, I had a piece if toast with peanut butter and cut up banana. I am going to get a 10 min upper body stretch and some crunches in before I take Nico (my son) to his friends birthday party. And hopefully I'll fit in some other exercise after it's over and before I go to work tonight. Closing shift...ewww. I actually don't mind it that much. It’s a shift where I get to keep busy and time goes by quickly. I just usually let the youngins do the closing shift :)

TGIF

I have no idea why it seems that the more work I do, the tighter my pants get. I'd like to blame it all on the clothes dryer. For after all, maybe it is to blame ;) I'd like to think that! My workout for today was work. I put 78 buckets of ice cream away, they each weigh at least 20 lbs. And It was pretty busy, so I ran back and forth for a few hours, giving away all the calories that I wasn't eating, as I served heaping cones of ice cream to happy kids! (and grown up kids too!) For a little extra, I am going to do some stomach crunches and a 10 minute stretching workout before bed. My leg isn't completely healed yet, so as long as I don't stretch my calf I'll be good. Tonight I ate really good, and had a subway sandwich that had only 6 grams of fat! Mmm...the sweet onion teriyaki chicken!  Although I'm trying not to eat out, but it being Friday night, and had to go into town anyway... I thought it was a good idea. Well, it wasn't my idea, it was my son's, but it was a good one!

I'm hoping for good weather tomorrow so I can go for a walk. Otherwise it's....(( Don't Laugh )) ...Richard Simmons, Dance Party. I wanted just a fun workout, that I wouldn't feel was hard enough to talk myself out of when I'm tired. And all of Richard Simmons DVD's have between 4 and 5 star ratings!! Or maybe sometime this weekend, I'll try the Tai Chi DVD for the 1st time. Well, cross your fingers for nice weather for me, and I'll check in with you in the morning! Sleep well!

The Running Bug

The Running Bug?  It's what I don't have.  Everyone around me is catching it.  And I want to ride the same wave that they are on!  Unfortunately, I was told I needed Reconstructive surgery on both knees back when I was 13, and exercise has never been easy, let alone running.  But someday, I would love to try.  Is that just a pipe dream for me?  Who knows?  For now, my favorite form of exercise is Zumba!  I try to do it whenever my work schedule allows.  My best friend JB teaches it, and she is the best I know, making it easy for my clumsy feet to follow.  One day, I hope she will make a Zumba DVD for me to purchase, so I can do it at home when I miss her classes!

Today's weight is 200.5.  Which funny enough, I am totally happy with.  I seem to bounce back and fourth between 206 and 200.  I have only once gotten below 200 in the past year, and that was to 199, and then shot right back up to 206.  I do retain alot of water, and can't take any diuretics because of my health conditions, so hopefully the bloating and swelling will automatically go away the thinner I become!  Todays goal is to eat no ice cream!  (I work in an ice cream store!!)  I have only had it one day out of the past 6, and only 3 taster spoons worth!  I am sticking to the fat free frozen yogurt, that by the way... is the bomb!  My fave is with blueberries and walnuts mixed in.  Well, off to work.  Wish me luck!

The never ending journey

I feel like a dreamer when I think of me with a healthy strong body.  It is something I have always wanted to attain, but is forever out of my reach.  I feel like I get healthier and healthier with my choices and it doesn't make one bit of difference.  Do any of you ever feel this way?  Am I the only one who has cut out a million things and not lost a whit of weight?  Will it always be all or nothing? 

Funny thing is that when I picture myself, it's not as a fat person!  I have always had pretty good self confidence.  I just want my outside to match what I feel inside!  This blog is going to help me track my progress over the next year, and help me feel accountable.  Welcome to join me on my journey to fight the chubby in me!