A sick kiddo and a birthday party to get ready for

So Nico has been sick for the past 2 days and all he has been asking for is soup. He likes creamy soups but we have stopped buying them after Nico went dairy free. So yesterday I made a quick chicken noodle soup, made with Asian rice noodles, rotisserie chicken, diced carrots and gluten free chicken base. So easy! Today I made him creamy broccoli cheddar soup. I used my food processor to puree broccoli then added some coconut milk to the puree . Just enough to make it creamy then I put it in the sauce pan and added onion powder and minced garlic. Then I melted the Daiya "cheddar cheese" in it. My son loved it!! We ended up putting it over rice.

Now, Ella's birthday is Saturday, and I am trying like crazy to get ready for it. It's a little hard working around a sick kid, and a tiny girl that specializes in mess making. 2 of the dishes I am makinge are garlic meatballs and chili. So I mixed a ton of sausage and ground beef and other spices and finely chopped mushrooms and separated it in 3 separate servings. 1/3 to brown to go in the chili, 1/3 to make into meatballs and 1/3 to use next week to make golabki. (Polish cabbage rolls). I still have a bunch more to make as her party gets closer, bit I am all for prepping early and making my life easier the day of the party. We're dressing up and Ella is going to be Wonder Woman! It will be so much fun!

Faux Mac and cheese and other stuff

So tonight for dinner I made Mac and cheese, gluten free and dairy free! 

Barilla makes a good gluten free elbow pasta. So I cooked that up and drained the water then added some full fat coconut milk, earth balance dairy free margarine, and daiya dairy free cheddar "cheese". Then I added cut up pepperoni and chicken. Nico gave it his stamp of approval and that says a lot!

Last night I made my own tortillas with coconut milk, almond flour and tapioca flour. Then I sauteed up some chicken, bell pepper and mushrooms after marinating them in fresh herbs, olive oil and lemon juice. I also cooked up some brown rice and quinoa to add to my wrap.  It was delicious. 

All right, we are going to switch gears a little.  We are still talking about my journey to a happier and healthier me, but we are going to focus a little more on the culinary aspect of my journey.
The doctor has suggested that in order to rewire my hormones and hopefully help my painful conditions be less painful, that I go off dairy, gluten and if possible....sugar.  This change has been a long time coming as I have pondered doing this for a long time, but didn't feel that I had the wheel power.  However, my pain level is at an all time high, and I believe with such drastic circumstances comes better wheel power.
I have gone off dairy as of about 2 months ago.  At first I was seeing cheese and ice cream in my dreams.  As I am now coming up with dishes and desserts that are wonderful and satisfying it is becoming easier.  I will post a little later about the dishes that I have already come up with. :) But first, lets make 1 thing clear!  My Dr has ok'd dark chocolate, and in little amounts butter!!  Although I still avoid butter for the most part, I am learning that I can get by using most other things, especially coconut oil, it is my FAVE!!  You will probably notice a theme for most of my dishes.  I am in love with coconut everything! Coconut oil, coconut milk, coconut sugar and coconut flour.
I have yet to go gluten free completely, although I will be adding that in next month and see how I do.  Right now I'm just getting really good at being dairy free while enjoying the bread that I love.  So join me on my journey, and maybe you will end up enjoying some of my creations as much as I do!

P.S.  My starting weight was 211 (8 months after baby being born)  I am now 205, and have fluctuated between 204 and 205 for the past week.  I have changed nothing but giving up dairy.  So if losing weight is a side effect...I'll take it!

Parenting Foibles

All right, I'm glad the topic of my blog is so vague.  Since it's winter, and exercising is just not happening that much, I'm going to start talking about something that is more of a challenge to me right now.  Parenting.  This is the hardest year I have ever had in this area.  I think between puberty, missing his dad, and the prospect of his mom being in a serious relationship, that might lead to marriage, he is one confused, hormonal, moody, and defiant child.  I am having to constantly come up with new ideas to try to inspire him to care and do better.

Thankfully, there was a turning point just the other day that I think will suddenly be a step toward the better.  It was so weird too.  It's almost as if my son could tell that was "IT" for me, because he did not even have a temper tantrum in response.  Here is what happened.  I came home from work on Thursday, to once again find that he had not done any chores, or his homework.  The living room was a disaster, and he was just watching TV.  I calmly said how this was it, and proceeded to remove every video game and movie from the shelf, and stuck them in my room to take to storage.  Then, I unplugged the TV, VCR, etc.  I thought, here it comes, he is going to have a melt down!  But no, he didn't!  At bedtime, he was loving and kissed me goodnight.  The next day, I decided I was going to change how I offer allowance.  Instead of saying "if by the end of the week, you have done your chores and behave well, you will earn $5.  It never ever happens.  So now, I bought a big jug, and at the beginning of the week, he gets $5 put in there, but in quarters!!  And every time he mouths off, I take a quarter out!  It is already working so well!!!  We'll see how this works.  I am at my wits end.  The last 6 months have been pure hell.  Almost every night has been a melt down/ temper tantrum.  And the fact that Stephen has witnessed all of this and is still with me is a miracle!!!!  Nico has not being doing ANY homework/ school work/ chores.  Nothing!!  And then he has a problem when he's punished.  He's acts horribly when we are out to dinner, and we feel like we can't take him anywhere.  So I'm hoping just maybe..........

I will keep writing about my daily challenges, because there usually is one.  And if he's excellent, you'll hear about that too!  Thanks for listening

Such a busy week!!

This week has been a little crazy, and continues to be so.  I didn't juice this morning due to a really early Dr's appt.  But I will definitely be juicing tomorrow morning.  Just like all the other mornings this week.  This week, I need the balance more than usual.  Tuesday night, it was trivia night.  We always eat there and drink beer.  :) always so much fun!  Then today, on top of my appt, I worked open to close at work.  A nice 11 hour shift.  Tomorrow night is the wine dinner at Mor Mor.  Can't wait!  And Friday night is my boyfriend's Command Christmas Party for work, and immediately after is another party, this time with close friends.  The only thing I am not looking forward to is the Command Christmas Party.  In fact, I am a little nervous.  It's semi-formal, and around people that I either haven't met, or just met briefly.  I'm nervous about not looking good enough, I'm nervous about fitting in, etc, etc etc.  I will just have to let you know how it goes.  And I've said all of this just to let you know that because of these reasons, I probably will not have another post for this blog until Saturday or Sunday.  And don't be too surprised if I have gained a little back after all this good food!!

Insecurities

I have realized a lot about myself recently that I am not happy with.  The question is....how do I change it?

I never really think of myself as an insecure person.  But recently, I have realized how untrue that statement is.  Looking back, I can pin point what caused it, but what I can't pin point is how to get rid of it.  Does it just take time?  Funny thing is, I had this epiphany and discovered that my insecurities have nothing to do with my weight!  WHAT you say?...  I know!   How could my insecurity not be about my weight.  No, I realized that all my insecurities are about my insides, and have nothing to do with my outsides.  OK, I can't really pinpoint when it started, I can pinpoint where it was extremely exacerbated.  It started a LONG time ago with my history of being rejected.  Starting with my mom when she was with her long term boyfriend.  (Sorry mom, not judging or condemning, it's just fact.) Then with my grandparents, who seemed to kick me to the curb for my child.  And with my child, who seemed to want my grandparents more than he wanted me.  The point where it was exacerbated was during my marriage.  It took rejection to a whole new level.  Not being touched or loved for 7 years, makes your mind do very strange things.  And you are always wondering...What is wrong with me?
The reason all of this is coming out is because in my current relationship (which is still going wonderful by the way)  We are getting to that stage where things are more comfortable, and we're not spending every waking moment with each other.  And I can predict the days where I think he is going to stay home instead of spending the night.  It's usually because he's had a bad day at work, or just because he got home from somewhere really late, and just wants to go home.  I can know these things ahead of time, but still feel completely rejected when they happen.  I can know all the reasons he has for wanting to stay home,  or know that he's had a really bad week at work and that he kind of closes down when that happens, and rationally know that they have nothing to do with me, but still I feel melancholy, and the little voice in the back of my head is saying...ok, what did you do to make him not text you, what did you do to make him not want to come over.  Is he tired of my child acting up?  Do I bother him too much with how much I have to get up at night, and does he now need a night free of me?  Is he tired of..........  Is he starting to realize..........
Am I that afraid I'm going to lose him?  Or am I trying to guess at rejection that is non-existent, so I don't get so hurt when it finally happens?  I guess it's hard for me to believe, that a normal, wonderful guy wants to stay with me.  I feel like any day now, he is going to wake up and realize he wants nothing to do with me.  Something my friend Jessie said is sticking in my head. At girls night, I had told her that he had invited me to Indonesia, when he goes diving out there in Feb or Mar.  I was letting my friends know, because I would probably need help with babysitters.  I also told her that I was preparing as if I was going, but I'd give him a way out, just in case he didn't realize how expensive it would be to take me along.  After all, he did ask me at a wine dinner.  And Jessie got very serious and looked at me, and said in a very strong voice, that I was selling myself short.  That she is sure if he invited me that he meant it, because I am worth it. 
I want to be worth it, but the problem is that deep down, I don't feel worth it.

        Question is how do I change this?  I don't want to be this way.  My rational mind is telling me that I have nothing to be insecure about.  And I need to stop awaiting doomsday.  How do I get this feeling to go away?  It would be nice just to have the normal insecurities with my body, I am used to those.  I know how to deal with those. ;)

Juicing!

I'm a little frustrated because I already wrote a post a few weeks ago on my cell phone with a blogspot ap, and it said it published it.  Now to find that my post didn't post is a little of a disappointment.  It was witty and funny which doesn't often happen, and I'm going to try to be witty and funny again, but don't hate if I fail. LOL. 
Anyway....JUICING!  It's the happening thing with all my friends right now.  I think I decided to jump on the band wagon...I'm guessing...about a month and a half ago now.  I juice in the mornings as a replacement for breakfast.  I have changed nothing else.  Here is an example of the things that I usually juice in the morning; kale, spinach, parsley, celery, carrot, ginger, apple, orange, lemon, blueberries, and beets.  But I have to tell you, if you juice beets, you don't need to put much in for that to be ALL you taste.  I only put in a 1/4 of one now, and it still almost over powers everything else.  Amazingly enough, it usually tastes great!   The first week I lost 5 lbs.  And I have slowed down since then, and have lost only a total of 7 now.  The real great thing is that my pants are a lot looser around my waist and my thighs!  If you don't want to go on a diet, and want to start with just being healthy, I totally recommend juicing.  I only replaced breakfast, and I'm technically drinking a lot more calories than I used to eat at breakfast time, and I'm losing weight.  Otherwise, I eat the same.  I still go out at night and drink my beer and wine, and enjoy really good food.  I eat cookies and sweets here and there.  I am not omitting anything!  And I'm still losing weight!  It is amazing!  I will keep you updated on the weight loss, I am down to 193 now.  I would love to be down to 180 by the Sub Ball in April, but I won't hold my breath on that.  Till next time....Try juicing!